Before I enter another post in my bridal diary, I must first stop and make a public service announcement. For any and all brides-to be: please wear underwear and a bra to your appointment. Seriously, I mean it. Being a nurse, seeing people naked is nothing new to me. It happens quite frequently. Heck, sometimes it's expected. But not when I walk into a dressing room to find a woman looking like Eve in the garden before the fall. Hello!...not pretty, and definitely not cool.
Oh, and thongs do not count as underwear. Let's discuss. First of all, I blame the flat-chested radical feminists from the 70's. They burned their bras in liberating fashion, letting their "girls" hang all out in opposition to a male-dominated world. Now, today's liberated woman takes it a step further and basically wears underwear that isn't really anything but an upholstered shoe lace. Being a slightly larger woman myself, I've never worn a thong before. Oh wait, I take that back. I have had a wedgie before, and come on, that's basically what a thong is. Instead of just taking a normal pair of undies and ramming the fabric up into their cracks, (which would be so much cheaper), today's women actually pay money for these glorified pieces of dental floss.
Whatever the thong is for, modesty has nothing to do with it. Not only are your cheeks exposed, but for some insane reason, the "waistband" pops out in the back so that whenever the little lady bends over, she announces to the world that "yep, I'm wearing a thong and I'm proud of it." She's a modern woman who is not going to wear her mama's underwear. We're not asking you to wear our underwear...we're just asking you to WEAR underwear.
Not only is it a modesty issue for me, but it's also a matter of hygiene. I'll explain. About a month ago, I was asked by one of the owners to work with a bride. She was already in the dressing room, waiting for someone to help her into a gown that she had picked out. I walked in, smiled and introduced myself. She had on the proper attire of a strapless bra and underwear. Well, at least I thought she was wearing standard-issue underwear. It wasn't until I was helping her step out of the gown. With her back towards me, I had to lean forward towards her lower back to get the gown down over her hips. Bending my knees to a squatting position now, my face was just inches away from her butt...from her exposed buttocks and a thin piece of yellow fabric wedged between them. The alert level just went from DEFCON 5 to DEFCON 1 for the highest risk of direct skin to skin contact (my face to her butt cheek). And I was without proper OSHA-approved protective face gear. Luckily, thanks to my jedi-like reflexes, I was able to quickly turn my head away, avoiding the potential biohazardous event that was heading my way.
Please ladies, listen to my plea for decency. You are not at the Cleveland Zoo, and I am not Jack Hanna. I have no need nor desire to see your "call of the wild" at anytime, ever. I think I can say with almost 100% confidence that most reputable bridal salons are not "undergarments optional" places of business. There are also no disposable paper underwear vending machines anywhere in these types of establishments.
So, until the invention of disposable underwear or paper-lined wedding gowns, I'm going to suggest to my bosses that they post on the front door: "no bra, no underwear, NO SERVICE."
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