The Train Station...(aka The Bridal Diaries)...The Heart of the Matter Part 2.

As much as I loathe the church and school involved in our own Sandusky nightmare, I must state that (as far as our case was concerned) no criminal acts occurred on church or school property.  That fact must be understood.

My vile contempt for those two institutions has to do with what they did once they knew there was a predator on their campus.  Let this be a warning to us all, if we want to be counted as decent human beings in a civil society...it's one thing if you do not know that something is happening.  It's a whole other ball game if you know something and then choose to do nothing about it.

It's what you do once you know that counts.  For our civil society to remain civil, we all must be held personally responsible for our actions.  And there must be swift accountability and justice when our actions affect the most vulnerable of our citizens...our children.

Edmund Burke said it so powerfully: "all that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."  I guess the administrators at Penn State and those in our situation didn't understand the heart of the statement.  Or just didn't care.  Whatever the case, they made themselves perfect examples of it's truth.

Unlike any of the above mentioned people, I know that I can go to bed at night with peace in my heart, knowing that I did all that I could--once I knew what was going on--and my children know it.  If I live to be 84 and am diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, I will not be saying "I wish I had done more." 

Although I will always carry the guilt of having not protected my child, I will be able to die with a clear conscience regarding this matter because I did the right thing, once I knew.

The only regret I do have is not allowing the "mama bear" in me to come out sooner.  I was stupid and naive to think that I was dealing with like-minded decent people, who believed that the safety of children was more important than the rights of a child-predator.  My bad.

Just a word to anyone who dares to mess with me now:  I'm what you get when you crossbreed a female Kodiak grizzly bear with (Hugh Jackman's) "Wolverine."  I can't show you a picture of it, but I can guarantee that you will not survive an encounter with me.

I hate to say that about myself now, but being screwed over by people who call themselves "Christians" has made me so.  My rose-colored glasses are off now, and you're only a christian if you can prove to me that you're a decent human being first.

Thus my beef with church...not so much with God anymore, but rather with those who claim to represent him.  My biggest struggle is learning not to throw out the baby with the bath water, so God has me learning that lesson in a little bridal shop in town.  Little by little he's giving me small doses of true Christianity in the friendships I've made with the ladies at the shop. 

Our oldest daughter actually had the job before I did.  These ladies were there for her while we were going through our personal hell, and they've been there for me, patiently, as I recover.

I guess anyone who is in rehab of any kind needs a sponsor...I have three.

The Train Station...(aka The Bridal Diaries)...The Heart of the Matter Part 1.

In attempts to move forward, I must pause and face reality for a moment.  And by allowing you to see what has been my reality-my life-for the past several years, you can better understand the real me.

The best way to start is the good old "Law and Order" way and "rip" it from the headlines, mainly from the Jerry Sandusky/Penn State scandal that has been the headline of the news in Pennsylvania lately.

I'm not speaking from the prospective of a victim, but from a parent of a victim.  If you just substitute the name of our daughter's predator and the name of the christian school/church for Sandusky and Penn State, you get our story, basically.

Before I turn off any Penn State fans out there, I want to speak frankly about something.  In no way, do I lump all of Penn State people into this issue.  In fact, I applaud not only the jury (made up of mostly Penn Staters) that convicted Sandusky, but also the students that stood in solidarity for the victims last fall.  That's the true reflection of who and what is Penn State.

My issue is with those who knew and yet willing chose to do nothing to protect the well-being of innocent children.  Those in authority at Penn State thought they were above the law because of a football empire that seemed, for so long, untouchable. 

For that reason, a few powerful men chose not to do the right thing because of what would happen to this dynasty if word got out about what Sandusky was doing.  They chose to protect themselves and a pedophile over the welfare of children.  Testimony and e-mails prove it and that's what makes me want to vomit.

And this is the reason why I have been distracted lately.  For the past 4 years, my family and I have been making great strides in overcoming our own "Sandusky" tragedy.  Due to the immense strength and courage of our daughter and seven other girls, their monster is now in prison.

Time has gone by and we have been doing our best to move on. We've struggled with the tremendous burden of grief, but somehow, have managed to be functionally dysfunctional while we have tried to make sense of what has happened. 

Then the headlines light up with the whole Sandusky thing, and there you find yourself reliving your own experience again.  Your child has nightmares and overwhelming anxiety.  Your own anxiety heightens because you feel helpless as you watch your child struggle with her demons, once again.

And yet, no matter how broken or shattered we should be from the immense pain that crushes us over and over again, we remain standing somehow.  I think this is what is known as God's grace and we seem to be the poster family for it.

I guess that's all we can ask for right now; to continue to be as whole as possible in the life we have been given.