The Train Station...(aka The Bridal Diaries)...The Heart of the Matter Part 1.

In attempts to move forward, I must pause and face reality for a moment.  And by allowing you to see what has been my reality-my life-for the past several years, you can better understand the real me.

The best way to start is the good old "Law and Order" way and "rip" it from the headlines, mainly from the Jerry Sandusky/Penn State scandal that has been the headline of the news in Pennsylvania lately.

I'm not speaking from the prospective of a victim, but from a parent of a victim.  If you just substitute the name of our daughter's predator and the name of the christian school/church for Sandusky and Penn State, you get our story, basically.

Before I turn off any Penn State fans out there, I want to speak frankly about something.  In no way, do I lump all of Penn State people into this issue.  In fact, I applaud not only the jury (made up of mostly Penn Staters) that convicted Sandusky, but also the students that stood in solidarity for the victims last fall.  That's the true reflection of who and what is Penn State.

My issue is with those who knew and yet willing chose to do nothing to protect the well-being of innocent children.  Those in authority at Penn State thought they were above the law because of a football empire that seemed, for so long, untouchable. 

For that reason, a few powerful men chose not to do the right thing because of what would happen to this dynasty if word got out about what Sandusky was doing.  They chose to protect themselves and a pedophile over the welfare of children.  Testimony and e-mails prove it and that's what makes me want to vomit.

And this is the reason why I have been distracted lately.  For the past 4 years, my family and I have been making great strides in overcoming our own "Sandusky" tragedy.  Due to the immense strength and courage of our daughter and seven other girls, their monster is now in prison.

Time has gone by and we have been doing our best to move on. We've struggled with the tremendous burden of grief, but somehow, have managed to be functionally dysfunctional while we have tried to make sense of what has happened. 

Then the headlines light up with the whole Sandusky thing, and there you find yourself reliving your own experience again.  Your child has nightmares and overwhelming anxiety.  Your own anxiety heightens because you feel helpless as you watch your child struggle with her demons, once again.

And yet, no matter how broken or shattered we should be from the immense pain that crushes us over and over again, we remain standing somehow.  I think this is what is known as God's grace and we seem to be the poster family for it.

I guess that's all we can ask for right now; to continue to be as whole as possible in the life we have been given.